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April 10th, 2005]

new LJ...




add me loverrssss


April 9th, 2005]

here i go again.
falling fasterrr

April 6th, 2005]
don't appologize...
i hope you choke and die.

uhm, i'm bored.
happy birthday taylor.
i love my friends.
pole vaulters are cool.

end right here.

April 5th, 2005]
you know me, oh you think you do.
you just don't seem to see,
i've been waiting all my life to be
something i can't define.

April 3rd, 2005]
i'm broken you can't fix me <\\3

March 29th, 2005]
the shit is bananas

B A N A N A S ♥

and i hate what i've become... [Sunday,
February 20th, 2005]
[ mood | blah ]

This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be that they are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don’t give it up on the first date, who don’t want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they’ve heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren’t perfect and that the guys they’re interested in aren’t either. This is for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe… maybe this time he’ll have understood.

This is a homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who are more than they should for guys who don’t deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea" to "time heals all wounds".

This is to honor those girls who know that the guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for girls who have never been in love, but know that it’s an experience that they don’t want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments, and explicit invitations that they’d rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn’t care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed.

This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they’re too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one’s for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won’t because it’s easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship. This is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he’s just not ready, he’s just not over her, he’s just not looking to be tied down. This is for the girls who believe the excused because it’s easier to believe that it’s not that they don’t want you, it’s that they don’t want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone to cavalier to have cared in the first place.

This is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you’ve returned home alone, for the nights when you’ve returned home alone, for the nights when you’ve seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little to near, or talking a little too softly to the girl he’s with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn’t that he didn’t want a relationship… it was that he didn’t want you.

I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he’d realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the "I really like you, so let’s be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended. This is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you’ve received from your female friend, for the nights they’ve reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy. This is for the despair you felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you’d have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something. This is for the stupidity of the nights we’ve believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we’d have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more. This is for the girls who don’t think that they deserve more, because they’ve been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don’t understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don’t appreciate them and don’t want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than when their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful. Men despair that no good woman wants to share in their lives, that girls play mind games, that girls love to keep them hanging.

Yet men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call… and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and wroth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the ‘stalker chic’ you’d met the night prior, who call you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told you the truth?

And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once more again return t the bar or club or some party scene and search for this ‘nice girl’ who you just cannot seem to find? Because there lies the truth guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you’re not looking for a nice girl. You’re not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intramural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father. You’re looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don’t say you’re on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover, sometimes we go in disguise, sometimes when that girl in low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won’t answer your catcalls, sometimes you’re looking at a nice girl in whore’s clothing. We might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we’re all thinking the same thing: "This isn’t me. Tomorrow morning, I’ll be wearing a tee-shirt and flannel shorts, I’ll have slept alone and I’ll be making my hung over best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don’t want the nice girl, so don’t say you’re looking for a relationship. Relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we’re willing to extend, but in return, we’re looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express.

Maybe the nice guys finish last, but in the race they’re running they’re chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy targets. The nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congratulatory hug (and yes, if she’s a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won’t matter), hoping that maybe you’ll realize that they’re the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won’t last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we’re waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat… because what’s a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?


January 22nd, 2005]
this thing is going to be friend's only from now on
if it's an important entry because some dumbfucks
are reading this and talking shit </3

i stole this from matthew... so do it [Wednesday,
October 13th, 2004]
Ask me any question you'd like, one that may help you get to know me, preferably, but any question would be fine. I'll answer openly and honestly. Sometimes you have to ask questions to get to know people. You may ask more than one question.

like starsky and hutch would say...


August 30th, 2004]
[ mood | crappy ]

hm...Collapse )

school sucks i hate it english sucks, teacher's a bitch world hist. is boring, i want to sleep math is like the hilight of my week he actually cares about us and makes things fun drivers ed sucks now that shannon got switched out ac lab's new rules are gay and it should die but my teacher is cool bio sucks monkey butt... so much homework that is pointless spanish sucks becuase i have it with my sister :o/ school sucks this year i hate it


hawthorne <3 [Monday,
August 23rd, 2004]

Hey there,
I know it's hard to feel like I don't care at all.
Where you are and how you feel.
Put these lights off as these wheels
keep rolling on and on. (and on and on and on...)
Slow things down or speed them up.
Not enough or way too much. (and on and on and on...)
are you and I gone?

And I can't make it on my own.
(And I can't make it on my own.)
Because my heart is in Ohio.
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.
(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.
Because you kill me.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.

Spare me just three last words.
"I love you" is all she heard.
I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever.

^^by hawthorne heights

today was pretty boring, early release at school... crap like always then i went to the open house with my love shelby lyn and supported my lacrosse guys because we're awesome like that... went to sonic now i'm home and i'm gonna take a shower or something so later kiddos <33


August 20th, 2004]
[ mood | frustrated ]

there is nothing to write about anymore
my life isnt important, i'm not good enough
obviously. no one cares anymore and i dont
really care anymore either... i'm really
done with stupid people pissing me off
making fun of me, not liking me, being gay
and so yes i'm done with like everyone
with a small exception of some people....
i'm done putting on my fake smile everyday
you wanna know how i feel you will see how
i feel and you will not even begin to understand
how hurt and not happy i am... then just maybe
just maybe you might start to understand me...
i am a person too, i have feelings, i hurt like
everyone else... and i wanted this one thing...
and of course it was wayy too much to ask for.
i knew i wasnt good enough for you from the very
beginning and i shoulda just stopped while i was ahead...
too late...

you're sweet just like the sun
but what happens when the sun doesnt stay
the night reminds me when you went away
i dont care i dont care


hmm... [Thursday,
August 12th, 2004]
[ mood | bored ]

today was pretty much the same as yesterday... :o/
i'm trying this thing so i'm not annoying... so that means i'm just not going to talk as much... so yeahh

hmm that's it
later kids
<3 emilia


August 11th, 2004]
i lied... today sucked... end of story



wow... :o/ [Tuesday,
August 10th, 2004]
[ mood | aggravated ]

today was uhm bad. it was better during some parts though. I don't even want to talk about before school... but I had world history with CHILL so that was exciting! then ac lab with rudi... and lunch coulda been a lot better... i bet it will be tomorrow tho. shy is such a sweetie and she invited me to sit with them! :o) and then i had geometry with Lawson... he is soo funny!! i have kasie, sergio, ashlyn and a buncha other people in that class... so yeah... then i had english with Cameron... lol i bothered him so much!! and then i had it with jeff and samone and a buncha awesome people that i missed!! oo and matty whiteside is in there with me too!! it's going to be pretty fun but i might drop it! but yeah, that was pretty much it... then after school i had to wait a whole 20 minutes before my bus got there... therefore i'm never riding the bus again!! ahh... okay maybe i will but not that often


Being attractive is the most important thing there is
If you wanna catch the biggest fish in your pond
You have to be as attractive as possible
Make sure to keep your hair spotless and clean
Wash it at least every two weeks
Once every two weeks
And if you see Jonnie football hero in the hall
Tell him he played a great game
Tell him you liked his article in the newspaper
^popular by nada surf... download it

blehCollapse )


B0RiNG DAY!!! again.... [Thursday,
August 5th, 2004]
[ mood | lethargic ]

today was pretty boring. i woke up at 12 and ate and talked to someone? i dont remember. but yeah then i came and watched some TV and yeah... then i took a shower... and jesse called me and asked me for Julia's number and it freaked me out because i was in the shower... but yeah... then i got online, talked to alex for a few... he's in cali till Saturday or Sunday ahh i wish i could be in california, because it's awesome and the weather is nice. but yeah... then i got off, ate dinner messed with my dad's new pretty phone/palm. and yeah... now i'm watchinng TV with my sister's and i'm bored!! i cant wait till tomorrow then me and the shelbs get to hang out at the mall and it will be fun since stupid school starts in like 3 days. yeah..

i'm bored

later kiddos
<3 emilia


August 4th, 2004]
[ mood | contemplative ]

i was watching a walk to remember last night. and i cried as usual. i just think it's awesome how Nicholas Sparks can write such great love stories that turn into awesome movies!! well i got bored so i decided a walk to remember can stay here for a few days :o)

i guess you could say i've been more depressed lately. i really dont want school to start. i've had so much fun this summer. and it's gone by way too fast. i didnt even get to go anywhere, thats how fast it went. but i loved hanging out with my 2 bestfriends and getting to know them better. and with school coming, and having different lunches and classes it kinda sucks. i hope our friendships will still be as strong as they were this summer. i don't know what i'd do if i lost either shelby or alex i would like die!!! ahh but yeah.. i dont want school to start, i just want it to be summer forever...

anywhoo i'm pretty bored
so i'm out... later kids
<3 emilia


August 4th, 2004]
i HOPE this is what my new schedule will look like

drivers ed
ac lab
honors english
honors spanish

world history
ac lab
bio 1-2

please hope that this is what it will be like!!

edit: but according to MOUNTAIN POINTE... my schedule hasnt even been touched... its effing stupid.

wow i have no life... [Tuesday,
August 3rd, 2004]
[ mood | cold ]

hmm today was BORING, i woke up at like 9:30 and yeah... was bored.. i got my schedule changed and hopefully i can go get the new one soon! yeah... that was about all that happened... i fixed this thingy and i've pretty much been bored... LOL

yeah later kids

<3 emilia


August 3rd, 2004]

What Is Your Best Sexual Skill?
Flirting Skill Level - 30%
Kissing Skill Level - 59%
Cudding Skill Level - 64%
Sex Skill Level - 34%
Why They Love You You are wet and wild.
Why They Hate You You won't take your socks off.
This fun quiz by lady_wintermoon - Taken 457065 Times.
Get Free Daily Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

How to make a iwuvmythweetie

5 parts mercy

3 parts brilliance

5 parts empathy
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of caring and enjoy!

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